By Silas Nyanchwani.
Most, if not all men, live in mortal fear of being cheated on by their girlfriend or wife.
It is an unnecessary and ridiculous fear that every man should do away with. Pronto.
I know it is a very primal, biological fear that sometimes we can not control ourselves. I know it is an arrow that pierces through our ego, irreparably damaging it when women cheat on us.
I know it hurts and it can bleed your heart to death. No man who gets cheated on ever recovers from the hurt. But guys, I have some good news for you.
This fear is utterly unnecessary. And you can learn not to give a flying fcuk about a woman cheating on you and it is the ultimate super-power and freedom any man can have.
Here is why.
For starters, as one female friend commented on one of my posts a few months ago, “people carry their genitals with them all the time and it is up to their discretion on how to use them…”
Like if your woman chose to cheat on you, she can and you may never know. And there is nothing you can do. You are not with her 24/7.
People who cheat do so for their own selfish reasons. I have seen men who have given their wives the world but they still get cheated on. Alpha men get cheated. Rich men get played. Presidents get played and slandered. Fearless and decorated military men get cheated. An ordinary accountant gets cheated on.
When it comes to cheating, there is no exception. No man is too big or too special he can’t be cheated on. In 2021, women are afraid of nothing.
I talk to women who have cheated on their men, trust me, none has ever given me a convincing answer, whether from a philosophical point of view or just plain common sense. People cheat because of their elastic values and can rationalize with a lot of funny phrases like, “I don’t feel my man”, “he made me feel special”, “I was in a bad place”, “my man is not romantic”, “my man doesn’t gift me”.
Secondly, in the present world, women probably cheat more than men. And they have no qualms whatsoever. No guilt, no shame, no nothing. It is what it is.
Just have a candid conversation with your mature female friends and they will teach you the games women play. Women will tell you what married women are capable of. And it is scary. I once stumbled upon a chat of a female chama and I saw what the girls were discussing and I went to the bar at 1 p.m. and ordered four shots of Jack Daniels to calm my soul. That is the day I realized what a waste of thoughts and imagination when as a man you are afraid of being cheated on.
You cannot be a male adult over 25 and not know what women are capable of. The world is unforgiving to the ignorant and naïve.
Women cheat for various reasons. Among them, is that they have choices our mothers didn’t have.
It is not that women of older generations were necessarily chaste than women our generation. No. They were not. They were just domesticated. In 1995, your mother probably worked in your father’s shop or your farm, or was just a teacher or a nurse in the nearby dispensary. The pool of available men was so limited and any mischief became village or hood gossip. Few women were in the workforce as the corporate sector as we know is one of the consequences of Kibakinomics.
Compare that to the modern woman who lives in empowering anonymity of the city. She can do anything she wants with all the privacy of the city as there are no prying eyes judging her. Work places teem with men who don’t know the bro code of sparing a brother’s wife. They tease, they flirt and can “make your feel special” in ways their husbands can’t. There is social media. There is Tinder. There are chamas where girls with morals of alley cats empower the rest and recruit them into sexual escapades that have come to characterize Nairobi in 2021. Have you checked what goes down in AirBnBs lately?
So, an average working-class woman has access to information, to resources, and to men that her mother didn’t have. We are witnessing a sexual revolution in Nairobi and nobody is documenting this.
So, bros, you can’t stop your woman from cheating. No amount of spying on her, no amount of agonizing over her will stop her of she wants to cheat. That is like trying to solve a calculus equation by smoking a cigarette.
Does this mean all women are cheats? No. Are there faithful women out here? Certainly. I just don’t know too many of them any more. And I know to most of presented an opportunity, they will jump on it.
Mine is not to scare you as a man or make you overthink. Mine is just to let you know that: IT CAN HAPPEN.
Men fear being cheated because of our brains are primal. We are animals at the end of the day. But you can teach yourself to outgrow any fear. Always, make the woman you are with know that you are not afraid of losing her and you don’t care. And mean that. It is one step down from pedestalizing her.
Remember the following from our elders.
1. Men cheat when they are treated badly. Women cheat when they are treated well.
This doesn’t mean that you should treat your woman badly or all women who who are treated well will cheat. All I am saying, there is not greater good you will ever do to stop a woman who is out to cheat.
2. A woman is only as loyal as her options.
3. She will never be accountable when caught and it will place the blame squarely on you. It is rarely a woman’s fault.
4. If cheated on and you decide to forgive, she will cheat again.
5. Being cheated on is the ultimate form of disrespect, if you don’t leave, she will leave, and usually at your worst.
6. Once a woman cheats on you she will never ever respect you.
So, what do you do if you discover she has cheated?
1.Don’t ever ever be an insecure man. Fight that urge. You are not a man until you stop giving a damn about being cheated on. If you start to doubt her, there is 91 percent she is cheating. Every time I ask men who caught their wives how they knew they were being cheated on, it is always their instincts. Your instincts are pure science at play. Trust them. But be slow. Women think they are smart, but trust me, soon they lose their guard. And the truth will come out. No cheat is ever too smaller not to be caught.
2. Once you discover don’t lose your cool. Don’t fight. Don’t kill. Just pick your stuff and go. It is never that serious. Being angered is giving someone who is disrespecting you to much power.
3. Remember, you took her from the streets. In the streets she belongs.
4. Take an L and comfort yourself, she is never yours, it was just your turn.
5. Once you leave her, don’t ever ever try to take her back. She will cheat again. Block her in all platforms and carry on.
6. Develop an abundance mentality. Scarcity mentality is what makes you insecure and lose your head over nothing. Always have options. There is always something better, something good out there. By having options, I don’t mean that you cheat on your woman or disrespect your woman. No, it means that at any given time if your relationship ended, you can seamlessly move into another one or you won’t have a problem getting another woman.
Lastly, being cheated on is not the worst that can happen to you. It is not the end of life.
Millions of men have been cheated on. They didn’t die. They carried on and met a woman who is faithful and tried again. Or they became philosophers.
In short, whereas the fear of being cheated on natural, just know it is meaningless. A cheat will cheat even if you bought her the world. Even if you have built the best family mansion. Even if you have the most beautiful family in the world. It is rarely about you. Cheats don’t give a damn consequences of their actions. Just leave her and go find someone who deserves you.
So, if you are one of those insecure men, from today, train yourself to not give a damn. Focus on your frame, look for money, and keep your cool. Don’t make a woman the focus of your life and don’t invest too much in a woman you are not married to. Unless you are willing to lose it, because as I have said here severally, women hate and despise men who give them money.
Have a fearless week kings, would you?
E! News Blog
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